What Has Happened to Respect?

I was at Walmart, as many have done, just trying to quickly get a few grocery items, and get out. Of course I happened down one of the aisles being restocked, and I would have left the area, except that I needed some Pasta for spaghetti. So I tried picking my moment to dart around the large cart in the aisle covered in merchandise filled boxes, when the guy stocking the shelves pushed his way between me and the shelves. He did this without a "pardon me", " excuse me", or "hey, watch yourself". His job was more important than my buying the products that keep him in a job stocking shelves. Walmart is not the only store with this issue. In fact I have found that most stores have such rude employees that need to run you down to get that cart that has been sitting in the parking lot for three days. No respect.

I'm not going to jump into a Rodney Dangerfield routine, of how "I get no respect", but it does seem to be becoming a problem that we have let go on for way too long. Back in the 80's when I was a teenager, it was very common to jokingly talk to your friends with disdain, and tongue planted firm in your cheek. My Dad still cannot get over how I would talk to my friends on the phone, and how he thought that I was being quite insulting, but we were teenagers, we all knew we were joking. Of course I would not talk that way with those same people today, it's different after you grow up.

But some people have gotten too desensitized to each other that they believe they can treat you, and talk to you anyway that they please, and there's nothing you can do about it. There was a time in this country that if you didn't watch what you said, you'd get your teeth knocked down your throat. Lawyers have pretty much stopped that, and of course there is no honor in fighting anymore because the looser now would call the police and press charges. I know, you probably think that fighting doesn't solve anything, or prove anyone right. True, but how come nothing ever gets resolved. We go through the same ole relationships, being treated the same ole way, year after year, until violence erupts and someone's button got pushed, marked "fire gun". After a difference of opinion and a subsequent fight, the two men would have now earned respect for one another, therefore becoming the best of friends.

Respect. What is it, and how is it shown? Well, I'm not talking about the kind of respect that you would see in the "Godfather" movies, but a well defined respect for everyone. thefreedictionary.com defines respect as:

re·spect  (r-spkt)

tr.v. re·spect·ed, re·spect·ing, re·spects

1. To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem.

2. To avoid violation of or interference with: respect the speed limit.

3. To relate or refer to; concern.

n.

1. A feeling of appreciative, often deferential regard; esteem. See Synonyms at regard.

2. The state of being regarded with honor or esteem.

3. Willingness to show consideration or appreciation.

4. respects Polite expressions of consideration or deference: pay one's respects.

Okay, now we have the definition, but that sounds too much like groveling at someone's feet, doesn't it? Kissing the Pope's ring, and bowing before royalty? No. Actually it's a lot more simple than that. For example, showing up on time to someone's house shows that you respect the other person's valuable time. "Please" and "Thank You", are always good ways of showing respect. If someone let's you cut in front of them on the road, or holds a door open for you, the appropriate thing to say is "Thank You" or at least wave in appreciation. You might think that it's too much trouble hanging up your cell phone that is permanently attached to your ear, or you might actually have to stop talking to your friend long enough to do one of those, but it's worth it. Well it beats having a door slammed in your face.

In conversations it is always respectful to not make assumptions on what you think a topic of conversation is about when you walk in the middle of it. These things can really make for embarrassing moments for you and the other person. Be considerate in your conversations that you fully listen to the other person, then judge maybe by that person's tone, or body language as to what response maybe appropriate. It's never wise to assume that people need or want your advise, especially when it is of a critical nature. This may lead to hard feelings, resentment, and of course an argument. There are some that find arguments appalling and nerve racking. I on the other hand find they clear the air faster than years of living in dread and loathing. 

Alright. You now have proverbially stepped in it; now what are you going to do? I have tried leaving the situation as quickly as possible which doesn't solving anything, but does allow both parties to "cool off". Always try to fall back on your manners. When at someone's house, you do not want to say things to the owner of that house that may make that person feel disrespected. You can't tell that person off, or come barking orders to someone in their own home. It's always best to thank everyone for a lovely time and leave. You have just spared that person from an indignant situation and you have also showed them respect in your courtesy. When you don't use your manners, then your classless exhibition seems cheap and petty.  

These are just a few ways that we as a culture need to function. Without respect, we each would not feel willing to give any other courtesies to others that may need it. Always try to do for others. This does not include advice giving. I have always found peace trying to show common courtesy and manners. I try not to look for that "thanks", or even that nod of gratitude, but I am human. Make someone feel special by showing them respect. They may just need it.